About Therapy
After working tens of thousands of hours with thousands of people…
I have created a step-by-step program that gets you from where you are: unhappy, stressed, overwhelmed, feeling unsupported, and struggling…
… to where you want to be: happy, peaceful, supported, and confident in yourself and your relationships.
I’ve worked on understanding these issues for over 25 years and have figured out the practical steps you need to overcome them.
I know what it takes to consistently and successfully transform your life.
A program that works for many (but individualized just for you)…
The first thing we’ll do is give you relief from the pain of your present circumstances.
I know that’s the principal thing on your mind when you come to see me. I’ll give you some practical tools and skills that you can implement right away.
For example, did you know that our brain actually works against us (at least parts of our brain)? It really does! And this is one of the biggest complaints my clients have. They will often describe a difficult situation that occurred in their life, asking themselves, “Why did I say that or do that?” I’m guessing you’ve done that, too.
And this is where my #1 tool comes in – GO TO THE BATHROOM! I know it may sound silly, but it is imperative. Once you are in the bathroom, you will use techniques I have taught you to calm yourself to shift your brain. When you learn to recognize your reactive brain and practice stepping away, you will begin to win in all your interactions.
I will also help you shift some of your thinking that might work against you into more helpful ways of thinking. For example, our brain is made to protect ourselves, and one of the major ways it does is when someone else doesn’t meet our expectations, we easily go into blame mode. Right? I know I do. When we blame and go into “I’m right, you’re wrong,” we make things worse for ourselves and our relationships.
Early on, I teach you how to shift out of this way of thinking. It starts with a number one question: “Is that 100% accurate?” Once you get this down, you will quickly shift from negative thinking to more helpful thinking.
When you start, you may think your issues center on other people and external circumstances. But by the time we finish, you will fully understand your part in creating what you didn’t want (but you’ll be empowered to create what you DO want for your life and relationships).
Then we’ll do a deep dive into you and your past.
Why do we do this?
Because one thing I know is that our past keeps rearing its ugly head into our present life. And I know you can’t stop it or change it until you know and understand it.
The biggest way our past comes into our present is from our core wounds from childhood. Some examples I’ve heard are, “My dad was an alcoholic and never spent time with me, so when I was little I concluded I’m not important or good enough,” or “My mom had a lot of anxiety and over-controlled me, so I concluded I’m not capable.” These conclusions we came to as children then play out in our adult lives. Together, we will explore these past beliefs and how they are leaking into the present. Then, I will help you change these old ways of thinking and behaving, so they don’t keep getting in your way.
We’ll connect the skills you gain in therapy to your new understanding of yourself.
This is the key to creating more of what you have always wanted in your life and relationships.
Nothing changes until we change. Because without the new understanding and the new skills, you keep doing things the same way with the same results. If you want to have a better life and better relationships, then these both go together to get better results.
During my first session, I explain to everyone I work with that they can end therapy whenever they like. However, I strongly encourage them to talk to me before terminating. Why? Because there is an important transition period in therapy. Time where now you have a clear awareness of your past and why you thought and behaved the way you have AND awareness of where you want to be. But the new ways haven’t been practiced long enough to become a permanent change yet.
The problem is this is a very uncomfortable time in therapy. And it is the worst time to quit. But when you get to the other side, it’s amazing. One of my clients said, “This is all second nature to me now.” He was right and created a marriage he was thrilled with and a life he was proud of compared to where he started.
Everything will happen in my “grace-filled space.”
That’s what I call it. Grace is about love, kindness, and help because of nothing we have done or the need to earn it. So often in this world, we experience conditional love that you must be a certain way to receive from another. That’s why I call my space a “grace-filled space.” For the first time, I want you to feel fully accepted, all parts of you, just as you are. When you experience this from me, you eventually can give this to yourself.
In this safe space full of compassion, you’ll better understand yourself and why you do the things you do. You’ll learn that some of those things might work against you – or even hurt the people you love most. Some ways you might be working against yourself is overextending yourself, people-pleasing, wasting too much time thinking about what’s not working or what others around you aren’t doing that you think they should be doing, beating yourself up internally, and losing yourself and what’s important to you.
In a nonjudgmental way, I will gently prod you to see your non-helpful behaviors while giving you the awareness and tools you need to shift to more effective and loving ways of being in a relationship with yourself and others.
About Me
Here’s how it all got started…
My family is a game-playing family. We played “Aggravation” every Friday night when I was a kid on the board my dad made in his high-school woodshop.
There are practical steps and skills needed to win a game, and there are nuances you need to come back after getting “put back home” (when things don’t work out).
My experience, knowledge, and skills will help get you the wins you are looking for.
We all start at the beginning, but to win, there are some things you need to know. First, you need to know how to move around the board. You have to know the rules of the game. That’s where I start. I’ve learned the rules and practical things to create success within yourself first and then within relationships.
What I’m good at is teaching others the winning rules. I used to be an elementary school teacher, so I got this. I know how to distill things into practical terms and teach them step-by-step until you have it down. Knowing the rules and the repetition of playing over and over gets the win.
My unquenching desire for knowledge keeps me on a path of never-ending learning, and that works to your advantage. Since I am constantly learning, I bring that knowledge to you, apply it to your specific issues, and pass it on. So all that I have now gets passed on to you. I learn to apply this new knowledge strategically, so it works to your advantage.
I have lots of patience. We all make mistakes and get sent back in life. But when we learn from the mistakes and know how to be resilient and keep going forward, things work out. I sit by and consistently support and guide you until you have it down to win.
My mission is to help you in practical and loving ways…
Sometimes life sucks, and things don’t go the way we thought they would go. I know, I’ve been there, too.
We’ve grown up with expectations put on us and some we put on ourselves, we’ve heard criticisms about what we’ve done wrong, and people have hurt us and let us down. The last thing in the world we need is someone else telling us what we should do or what we did wrong. What we need is someone to come alongside us.
That’s what you will get with me. The most important thing for you to experience in your struggles or hard times is someone with you. But it doesn’t stop there.
When you work with me, my main priority is for you to experience a loving, supportive, nonjudgmental, safe space to grow. The way I do that is to be with you in your pain, to help normalize all your thoughts and feelings while giving you more helpful ways to think about things and practical steps to do things differently. Because when you think and do things differently, you will be happier and create more relationship happiness.
I know you’ve come to me because things aren’t going the way you want, and you don’t know how to change it. So during our time together, I help you connect to the wounded little one inside you. I’ll role model and help you understand that part of you and how to be loving toward it while taking actions from the emotionally healthy adult part of you.
Together, we will get you where you want to be.
Education and training…
I have my master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy.
I have specialized training in trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy.
I’ve completed Gottman Couples Training Level 1 and Level 2. I have a California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT) certification in Clinical Supervision (because I love teaching new therapists to do this well for others).
I’m always learning and improving… and putting it into practical terms and steps that will be helpful for others.
When I’m not doing therapy…
Not surprisingly, I play games 🙂 with friends and family whenever I get a chance. When I’m not doing that, I enjoy traveling and talking or hanging out with my friends.
One of my greatest interests is learning all I can about alternative health care. I’m fascinated by how our bodies know how to heal themselves when we allow it.
Are you ready to change your way of being in the world?
“I’m so much happier.”
“I am at peace now.”
“My life is so much calmer.”
“My marriage is better than it has ever been.”
“My life is so much better.”
“I wish I had come to you sooner.”
“Who I was then and who I am now are completely different.”
These are just some of the things my clients have said after working together. This can be you, too!
Call today and let’s talk about how I can help during your free 15-minute consultation: (626) 314-7094.